is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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