I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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