Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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