I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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