What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize