Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
