i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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