I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
