Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
