you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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