there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
