I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
