What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
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