i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
