He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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