Sry I called you an 8
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You ruined the universe
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize