Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
