I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
