So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize