so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
