I heard we made out
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
