Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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