I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
sarcasm needs its own font
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
