i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
