I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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