I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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