i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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