Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
