if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
