Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
