Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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