hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
