; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
