Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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