i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
