I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
