Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
