just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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