Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
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Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
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I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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