i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
