Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
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