Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
