We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
