I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
