She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
it's like heaven, but drunker
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
