time to smoke my breakfast
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
