id be glad to
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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