He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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