He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
