I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
