my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
