He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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