can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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