We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Farmville is her only friend.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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