If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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