before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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