he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Randomize
