Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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