I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
