how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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