I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
