the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
