Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
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Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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