Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
