no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
