I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
