SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
