hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
