Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
