I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
