i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
