she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
