i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
