Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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