that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
