"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I believe in your delicious
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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