Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We are two peas in an std pod
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
