I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Small penises have feelings too.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
