who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
