I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
