im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
